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Testimony

                                                                                                    Frances

I don’t remember the exact time I started going to church; however, I do remember that I’ve been going since I was at least in first grade. When I first went to Sunday school, I was the only girl there, mainly because the service my parents were going to was the early morning service. I didn’t like being so discriminated genderwise, and it didn’t help that I was a generally introverted person. But…despite my uncomfortableness in Sunday School, I still went there every Sunday morning without complaint.

My name is Frances. I’m 14 years old, a freshman at Monta Vista High, and I regularly attend the English Congregation in the 4th Home Of Christ.

I really don’t know how I came to believe in Jesus Christ. All my life, I lacked opinion. I listened to what others said and thought, but in the end, whenever somebody asked me for my opinion, I’d almost always say “I don’t know.” My own opinions would form off of what other people thought. I guess that’s how I came to know and believe in Jesus. I grew up that way in a Christian family. My parents’ strong beliefs in Christianity rubbed off onto me…so I just did.

Yes, I believe in God. But if anyone asked me why I believed in God when I was still a naïve, clueless little girl, I wouldn’t have been able to come up with a good reason. The most I could say would probably be “He died for our sins on the cross”, which is actually a good reason. But it’d be different if I had to explain my beliefs and opinion to people who didn’t share my religion. The most I could say then would probably be “Because my mommy said so”.

I cruised through my childhood, naïve and clueless about life. I watched TV, and I was amazed at how much drama somebody could have in any given life. My life was pretty much perfect; I had great friends, my grades were decent, my parents weren’t annoying or naggy, and boys had cooties.

In 8th grade, something finally happened. I had a friend; she was one of my greatest friends in life. But she was also a busy girl doing her extracurricular activities, and had almost no time to hang out with me. It was during that time she started to spend her brunch and lunch in school playing and practicing basketball, her extracurricular activity.

All in all, I was disturbed by the fact she would give up spending time with me for basketball. It was actually a little more complicated than this, but for the sake of the length of this testimony, I’ll just keep it like that. As a result, I had a mix of feelings. I felt really angry towards my friend at first. Then, when I tried being rational, I felt guilty for being angry at her to begin with. And then I’d feel depressed for no reason. It wasn’t like she never showed up during brunch and lunch—she still devoted some of her time to be with me and our little group of friends.

Deep down, I’ve always known that God would be there for me in any crisis. But I never actually went through that feeling. The feeling of reassurance and hope, even in the time of great despair. What happened between me and my friend wasn’t that drastic or a great big deal. However, when I turned to God for help during my bipolar depression, I felt it for the first time. I had another one of my friends there for me; she tried to help me get over this silly thing. But it wasn’t enough to help me feel better. The next Sunday when I went to church, I poured out my heart to God. I was able to let go all of my feelings and I felt truly happy for the first time. I praised and looked up to God for help—and in turn, the Holy Spirit told me that this was a silly thing to worry about.

There was another time when I got angry at another friend. She was being somewhat rude and unappreciative towards me, and I didn’t like it. I realized that maybe something was troubling her to begin with, but it angered me even more to know that I was the person she chose to take out her own anger on. When she realized her mistake, she came to me for forgiveness. I forgave her…but I still felt a tad bit angry, and I refused to speak to her. Then came another Sunday…and the Holy Sprit inside me made me come to realize that…this was a really pathetic thing to get so worked up about, and that it wasn’t worth losing a friendship for. As soon as I came home from church, I called her up to tell her that I forgave her.

Yes. I realize that 8th grade was only the beginning of the drama that would take place in my life, just like in any other TV show. But, unlike the characters in the TV shows, I realize that I’d be able to cope better with the situations, knowing that I have someone to talk to, someone who has a plan for me and my life, and someone who will eventually make things all better, as part of His plan. By turning to God, I can remember all the things He’s done for us. Because of that, I was able to forgive so many times, and God’s shaped me to become the person I am today. Now, if someone, regardless of religion, asks me why I have faith in God, I can say that because He sent his one and only Son to die on the cross for us to forgive us of our sins, and that alone should be reason enough.

There were so many times, chances that I had for me to become baptized. 

Every time there was a baptism, I backed out. I thought I wasn’t ready, and every time I backed out, I realized, that in reality, I really had no clue what was holding me back. I believed, and still do, in Jesus. I’ve always believed that Jesus died on the cross to save my sins. But…I guess, that in order to qualify for baptism, you had to go full out. You had to really feel it, and you had to be able to be identified as hardcore Christian in order to be able to be baptized. That’s what I thought what it meant to be baptized. And, really, I did feel all of that in 8th grade. I was pretty hardcore last year. And yet, I backed out, and I missed my chances to become baptized so many times.

I considered getting baptized again in October 2007... But I felt different. I spent the past summer in Taiwan. In Taiwan, there wasn’t a church I could go to. My mom went to the church she went to in her childhood life, but I didn’t feel comfortable going to a church where I couldn’t really understand what was being preached, so in the end, I didn’t have a church to go to. And the connection I felt I had with God in 8th grade deteriorated. This didn’t coordinate with what I thought it meant to be baptized.

In the beginning of this month, teacher Diane (Diane 老師) helped me come to a realization that…being a hardcore, extroverted Christian wasn’t what it was about. Being baptized was simply just accepting and believing Jesus. It was telling the world that you’re a follower of Christ, and that you’d go past and beyond as far as you can to spread the good news. It was opening your heart to Christ, and letting God do His work and complete his purpose with me. Even though I felt as though my connection with God wasn’t as close as it was before, I realized that it was because I didn’t open myself up to Him.

I want to thank Diane老師 for always being there for me. She’s always supporting, caring, and kind towards me. She’s someone I can look up to with my greatest respect, and her compassion all together makes her a better person. If it hadn’t been for her, I probably wouldn’t be standing here giving this testimony today.